my savior, my husband

I am addicted to Grey’s Anatomy, and I am addicted to films, books, and TV shows that make me cry.  Today I spent most of the day crying.  And what made me cry the hardest was this song, sung at the end of “Grey’s Anatomy: The Music Event”.  Callie Torres, near death, is in her alter-persona, singing this to her lover, and soon to be wife, Arizona.  And it sums up a lot of how I feel about my dear husband, who is my life, my backbone, my guiding star.

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true… I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true… I was made for you

Oh yeah, well it’s true… that
I was made for you…

 
Today my heart bled all day.  I cried all day and literally had to force myself out of bed.  I don’t know what is wrong with me.  I know I should be okay; I should not feel this horribly bad, my work is not that hard, and thank god I have a paycheck.  But today all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. And cry some more.  And the only one whose shoulder I can cry on is his.  Even if he doesn’t really understand, he still holds me and keeps me safe.  He keeps the Bad Place from consuming me.  Tonight I would welcome the Bad Place; I would go there willingly, I would sleep forever, I would be at peace and my pain would be over.  But I cannot leave him.  He is mine and I am his and I was truly made for him.